“You cannot teach antifragility directly, but you can give your children the gift of experience—the thousands of experiences they need to become resilient, autonomous adults.

Jonathan Haidt, Author

Over the last couple of decades there’s been a significant shift in how we approach emotions and mental well-being. Many of us grew up in environments where emotions were either downplayed or dismissed entirely. Phrases like “toughen up” or “get over it” were commonplace, dismissing the impact of emotional experiences and trauma. Whether the intent was to build emotional resilience or was more about a lack of awareness, the result was that kids grew up often feeling unsupported, unseen and misunderstood, leading to unaddressed emotional wounds.

The View from the Other Side

In response, there’s been a necessary shift toward recognizing and validating emotions. We’ve become more attuned to the nuances of mental health, striving to create environments where individuals feel safe to express themselves. Yet, with this positive change comes a new challenge: in our efforts to protect and nurture, we risk overcompensating—creating spaces where every word and action is scrutinized to avoid any discomfort or offense. This hyper-awareness can inadvertently lead to fragility, where individuals become overly sensitive to life’s inevitable challenges. This is where I believe we are today.

As a therapist who spends hours everyday helping people develop compassion and empathy for their early life experiences, it feels a little odd to be talking about mental and emotional resilience. Being strong in the face of adversity can come across as dismissive. I am the first to say that compassion and empathy are the wells of human connectedness and healing.

However, I am noticing a trend towards using our trauma and hurt feelings as an opportunity to avoid responsibility and coddle ourselves and our kids. The result is hyper sensitivity, where we (and they) have no idea how to handle even a slightly challenging experience.

So, how can we find a balance between nurturing self-compassion and avoiding the pitfalls of being overly sensitive and protective?

The Balance Between Compassion and Emotional Resilience

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend. It involves acknowledging our emotions, accepting our imperfections, and recognizing that everyone experiences hardship.

By embracing self-compassion, we can foster emotional resilience. It allows us to process our feelings without judgment and build a solid foundation for coping with life’s ups and downs. Self-compassion encourages us to be gentle with ourselves, promoting healing and growth.

The Pitfalls of Overprotection

While it’s essential to create supportive environments, overprotection can hinder personal growth. When we shield individuals, particularly young people, from discomfort, we deny them the opportunity to develop essential coping skills. Facing challenges is a natural part of life, and learning to navigate them builds confidence and resilience.

Overprotection can lead to an inflated sense of vulnerability, where even minor setbacks feel overwhelming. It can also foster a fear of failure, preventing individuals from taking risks or pursuing new opportunities.

Cultivating Mental & Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to withstand mental and emotional stress. Rather than “sucking it up,” it is more about developing the tools to work through our thoughts and emotions in the face of adversity in a way that allows us to maintain control and to to know that in the face of it all we are and will be okay. Developing mental fortitude doesn’t mean ignoring our emotions; rather, it involves understanding them, learning from them, and using them as a source of strength. Here are some compassionate and empowering strategies to develop this ability:

Embrace Challenges with an Open Heart

1. View Challenges as Opportunities:

Life is full of challenges that test our limits, but each challenge is also an opportunity to learn and grow. Embrace the unknown with curiosity and an open heart. Instead of fearing failure, see it as a stepping stone toward success. Every setback is a setup for a comeback. When we approach life’s difficulties with an open mind, we can uncover new possibilities and develop innovative solutions.

2. Celebrate Small Wins:

Acknowledging and celebrating small achievements can significantly boost our confidence and motivation. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. By recognizing these moments, we create a positive feedback loop that reinforces our ability to overcome obstacles. Take time to reflect on your progress and appreciate your efforts.

Foster Resilience Through Connection

3. Build a Supportive Network:

Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and mentors can strengthen your mental fortitude. These connections provide encouragement, advice, and perspective during challenging times. Don’t hesitate to reach out and share your experiences. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey, and together, you can find strength and solace.

4. Practice Empathy and Compassion:

Empathy and compassion are not only vital for our relationships with others but also for our relationship with ourselves. Practice self-compassion by speaking kindly to yourself, especially during difficult moments. Understand that experiencing emotions is a natural part of being human. By cultivating empathy, we can better understand our emotions and those of others, fostering deeper connections and resilience.

Develop a Growth Mindset

5. Adopt a Growth Mindset:

A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. This perspective encourages us to embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and see effort as the path to mastery. By adopting a growth mindset, we can turn obstacles into opportunities for learning and improvement. Embrace the mantra, “I haven’t mastered this yet,” and recognize that growth is a lifelong journey.

6. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems:

When faced with adversity, it’s easy to become fixated on the problem at hand. Instead, shift your focus to finding solutions. By adopting a proactive approach, you can regain a sense of control and agency. Break challenges into manageable steps, and tackle them one at a time. This methodical approach not only alleviates overwhelm but also empowers you to take action.

Cultivate Mindfulness and Presence

7. Practice Mindfulness:

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment, fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. By practicing mindfulness, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity, even in the midst of chaos. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and mindful observation can help center your mind and reduce stress. Embrace mindfulness as a tool to ground yourself and build inner resilience.

8. Accept What You Cannot Change:

There are aspects of life that we cannot control, and accepting this reality is crucial for emotional resilience. Instead of resisting or dwelling on what’s beyond your control, focus on what you can influence. This shift in perspective allows you to allocate your energy toward productive and meaningful endeavours, fostering a sense of empowerment and resilience.

Nurture a Positive Inner Dialogue

9. Cultivate Gratitude and Positivity:

Gratitude is a powerful practice that can transform your outlook on life. By focusing on the positive aspects of your life and expressing gratitude, you can shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. Keep a gratitude journal, noting three things you’re thankful for each day. This simple practice can boost your mood, enhance your well-being, and fortify your mental strength.

10. Practice Positive Self-Talk:

The words you speak to yourself have a profound impact on your mental state. Practice positive self-talk by replacing self-criticism with affirmations and encouragement. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try saying, “I am capable and resourceful.” This shift in language can rewire your brain to focus on possibilities rather than limitations, bolstering your resilience.

Empower Yourself to Thrive

11. Set Realistic Goals:

Setting realistic and achievable goals provides a sense of direction and purpose. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrate each milestone. This approach not only boosts motivation but also builds confidence in your ability to achieve your aspirations. By setting clear goals, you can channel your energy effectively and maintain focus.

12. Reflect and Learn from Experience:

Take time to reflect on your experiences and learn from them. Whether you’ve faced success or setback, each moment holds valuable lessons. Consider journaling or discussing your thoughts with a trusted friend. Reflection allows you to gain insights, identify patterns, and apply newfound wisdom to future challenges.

Finding the Balance: Self-Compassion and Resilience

Balancing self-compassion with mental and emotional resilience involves embracing your emotions while fostering strength. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking growth, and building a supportive network, you can navigate life’s challenges with strength and grace.

Resilience is not about never experiencing difficulty; it’s about how you respond to it. By nurturing self-compassion and cultivating mental fortitude, you empower yourself to thrive, no matter what life throws your way.