Claire De Boer
The holidays often arrive with an unspoken expectation: that we should feel grateful, connected, and joyful. Yet for many people, getting through the holidays can feel emotionally heavy and hard, especially when personal stress, family dynamics, and the state of the world all converge at once.
The expectation alone is exhausting.
This season tends to stir up different parts of us — sometimes all at once. And this year, those inner experiences don’t exist in a vacuum. Many of us are also carrying the weight of a world that feels unsettled, unsafe, and relentless.
When personal stress and collective heaviness overlap, the season can feel harder to hold, even if nothing is obviously “wrong” in our own lives.
The Part That Feels Pressure to Enjoy
There is often a part that believes we should be enjoying this.
It notices the decorations, the gatherings, the traditions — and quietly wonders why joy isn’t landing the way it’s supposed to, or even once used to. This part may worry that we’re missing something, or that we’re failing to appreciate what we have.
Often, this part is trying to help us belong. To keep us aligned with what the season is meant to look like.
But when it’s working too hard, it can crowd out other truths.
Does this season feel heavier than it’s supposed to?
If this season is bringing up more than you can comfortably carry on your own, support is available. Our therapists offer a calm, thoughtful space to help you make sense of what you’re holding.
The Parts That Are Carrying Grief — Personal and Collective
Another part of us may be holding grief.
Sometimes this grief is personal: missing someone, mourning a relationship, or feeling the absence of how things used to be.
Other times, the grief feels broader and harder to name. News of violence, war, and loss — even when it happens far away — can settle quietly into our nervous systems. We absorb more than we realize.
We may feel tender, sad, or heavy without being able to point to a single reason. This doesn’t mean we’re fragile. It means we’re human in a world that asks us to witness a lot.
The Part That Misses the Magic
There may also be a part that remembers this season differently.
A part that longs for the sense of ease, wonder, or safety that Christmas once held — often in childhood, before responsibility and awareness grew heavier.
This part notices the contrast now. It may feel disappointed, wistful, or quietly deflated.
That doesn’t make it unrealistic.
It makes it tender.
The Parts That Feel Alone or Strained by Family Dynamics
For many people, the holidays intensify family dynamics that are already complicated.
Some parts brace for tension or old patterns. Others feel the weight of being alone, disconnected, or on the outside of family traditions altogether.
Even full tables don’t always create a sense of belonging. And when the world already feels uncertain, these relational gaps can feel sharper.
Making Room for All of It
When the holidays feel heavy, it’s often because many parts are activated at once — parts responding to personal history, family dynamics, lost expectations, and a world that feels increasingly difficult to make sense of.
Rather than asking yourself to decide whether the season is good or bad, you might try something gentler:
Can you notice what parts of you are showing up right now?
Without fixing them.
Without ranking them.
Without asking them to be different.
And alongside that, can you remain open to small moments that don’t ask much of you?
A pause.
A shared smile.
A moment of quiet.
A brief sense of warmth.
These moments don’t cancel out the heaviness. They simply exist alongside it.
Moving Through the Season with Care
Getting through the holidays doesn’t require optimism or resolution.
It may simply involve allowing space for the full range of what you’re carrying — the parts that feel pressure, the parts that grieve, the parts that long, and the parts that feel worn down by the state of the world.
When we stop asking the season to be one thing, it often becomes a little more bearable.
And sometimes, that is enough.