Lately, your teen has been spending more time in their room, barely saying a word at dinner. They’ve become snappy, withdrawn, or just plain distant. Maybe they’ve stopped hanging out with friends, their marks have dropped, or they shrug you off every time you ask how they’re doing. You’re at the point where you’re considering counselling for your teen but have no idea how you would get them there.

You’re trying to stay calm but inside you’re asking yourself:

• • Is my child depressed?

• • Is this just normal teen stuff—or something more?

• • Why won’t they talk to me anymore?

You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure whether to push them, back off, or just wait and hope things get better on their own. And beneath all of that, there’s the ache of knowing your child is hurting, but you don’t know how to reach them.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and you’re not doing anything wrong. Many parents face this painful disconnect with their teen, especially during times of stress, transition, or emotional overwhelm.

Let’s explore what might really be going on beneath the silence and how you can support your teen even when they’re shutting you out.

Why Teens Pull Away Emotionally

Teenagers are wired for independence. It’s part of healthy development for them to start turning inward, figuring out who they are, and needing more space from parents. But when disconnection starts to feel constant or worrisome, it may signal that your teen is struggling internally.

Common reasons teens pull away include:

• Anxiety they don’t know how to express
• Low self-worth or identity confusion
• Depression or emotional numbness
• Friendship struggles or social exclusion
• Family conflict, divorce, or big life changes
• Fear of disappointing others or being misunderstood

Sometimes teens themselves don’t fully understand why they feel the way they do. So they shut down, avoid, or become irritable as a form of self-protection.

How to Support a Teen Who’s Withdrawing

You don’t need to be a therapist to support your teen—you just need to create safety, consistency, and presence. Here’s how:

1. Stay Calm and Accessible

When your teen is shutting you out, it’s tempting to panic or push harder. But what they need most is emotional safety. Be available without hovering. Sit nearby, offer to go for a drive, or just be present without an agenda. The less pressure they feel, the more likely they are to open up on their own time.

2. Use Gentle Curiosity, Not Interrogation

Instead of peppering them with questions, try using soft, open language:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter lately—can I offer a listening ear?”

• “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’m always here to listen.”

• “It seems like something’s been heavy on your mind. Want to go for a walk or just hang out?”

Even if they don’t respond right away, you’re planting seeds for connection.

3. Watch for Signs of Mental Health Struggles

A certain amount of withdrawal is normal in adolescence—but if it’s paired with other changes, it may be time to seek support. Watch for signs like:

• Ongoing irritability, sadness, or apathy

• Big shifts in sleep, appetite, or hygiene

• Dropping grades or school avoidance

• Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy

• Physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches)

• Saying things like “What’s the point?” or “I don’t care anymore”

If you’re Googling things like “Is my teenager depressed?” or “How do I know if my teen has anxiety?”—trust your instinct. The fact that you’re searching is a sign your concern is valid.

4. Offer Counselling as a Resource, Not a Consequence

Teens often respond better to counselling when it’s framed as something supportive and private—not something they’re being “sent” to. Many will resist because they don’t want to open up or don’t believe a therapist can help. You might say:

“I found someone you can talk to—just for you. It’s not about getting in trouble, it’s about having a place where you don’t have to carry everything alone. And it’s completely confidential – they won’t share anything you tell them with me or anyone else”

At Safe Haven Counselling, we specialize in teen counselling for ages 14 and up. We offer a calm, compassionate space where your teen can process what’s going on in their world and learn tools to navigate it—all at their own pace. And we’re here for you, too, as a parent navigating this challenging phase.

You’re Not Failing—You’re Showing Up

There’s no perfect way to parent a teen through emotional ups and downs. But if you’re reading this, it means you care deeply—and that matters more than you know.

If your teen is pulling away and you’re feeling overwhelmed, we’re here to support both of you.

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Looking for Teen Counselling in Surrey or White Rock?

Safe Haven Counselling offers in-person teen therapy in White Rock and Surrey and virtual counselling across all of BC. Whether your teen is facing anxiety, depression, identity concerns, or simply feels overwhelmed, we can help.