They say divorce is one of the most stressful and devastating life events we can go through. This is the case, and it is in part because we endure many types of grief. There is the grief of losing the person we had committed to be with for a lifetime. And then there is the loss of our dreams for the future with that person. A relationship involves more than just the couple; it affects the entire family.

If there are children involved there is the loss of the family unit as we knew it and the guilt of what that now looks like for the children. Then there is the loss in many cases of financial security, which often includes the loss of a home. Suppose the separation is fraught with conflict, as is often the case, there is the stress of lawyers, court battles and constant fighting. Stress levels can increase, resulting in depression, anxiety, and other strong emotions that can make separation and grief even more difficult.

Sometimes there is the loss of friendships as people choose a side, or decide that, now you are no longer part of a couple, their “two” doesn’t fit with your “one.” Add to this the loneliness of navigating life alone; it can often feel like life has completely fallen apart. When you’re wading through the mire of this multitude of losses, it can feel like there’s no end to the pain, and you will never find joy again. You will.

On the other side of this painful period of growth—and we’re talking HUGE growth—you will emerge from the ashes a stronger, braver, and more confident human being who knows what you need. This being has reconnected with their joy and has a stronger sense of who they are than ever before. But it takes time. You will develop a new perspective on yourself, relationships, feelings, and sense of self. This huge life transition goes through many stages of emotions and is not a short-term process.

The breakdown of a marriage or long-term love relationship is a shattering of life as we know it. Healing doesn’t happen in a week, a month, or often even a year. But that doesn’t mean you will feel the same in a year as you do today. The waves of grief will gradually lessen in force, and instead of knocking you sideways, you will find the strength to bear their weight.

Divorcing couples undergo a massive shift, which can profoundly impact the entire family. Separation and divorce can be tough on children, but it is also challenging for the two adults. When a marriage ends, a vast, stressful life transition begins. Maybe your divorce involves co-parenting, you and your ex are in different stages of grief, or you are worried about the impact your divorce will have on your extended families or what your friends will say. These feelings and thoughts are normal and part of your development journey. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone will experience feelings of going through a divorce differently, based on their nature. Divorce counselling can help you through the difficult period of separation and divorce.

Support During Separation, Divorce, and Similar Situations

If you are a child of divorce whose parents went through a difficult marriage or divorce, your future relationships can be impacted. Divorce does not create challenges just for the couple but for everyone in the family. Talk therapy with experienced therapists can have a lasting positive impact on the entire family.

Counselling for Divorcing Couples and Individuals

The services provided in divorce counselling can be used for both couples in separation and divorce, who want to communicate effectively with each other, and for individuals going through separation and divorce.

You will find your community through your separation. The people who love you will draw near, and those who were never your people will disappear. At first, you will hold tight to that community, but then you will begin to feel like you should be changing the conversation—focusing less on you and asking them how they’re doing instead. You will question if they have had enough of hearing about your problems and begin to hold back for fear of overloading them.

Cheryl Strayed nailed it when she talked of grief and our culture:

“If, as a culture, we don’t bear witness to grief, the burden of loss is placed entirely upon the bereaved, while the rest of us avert our eyes and wait for those in mourning to stop being sad, to let go, to move on, to cheer up.”

We all need this witnessing, but we aren’t there yet as a society. There’s no paid leave for people who go through divorce and only a few days for people who lose a loved one to death. We have a long way to go. As more people openly discuss their marriages, partners, and therapy with experienced therapists, the closer we will come.

At Safe Haven Counselling in our work with individuals going through a divorce or separation, we bear witness to their grief. We walk with them on the journey and let them know they aren’t alone. We cannot remove your pain, but we can help you reframe it. We can be present to your anger and fears and sit with you in the mud. We can reassure you that the stages of grief will pass. We will bear witness to your grief.

No one goes into a marriage assuming it will end in divorce. A therapist can give you the support and safe space to process your emotions, thoughts and feelings about your ex-partner and help you work on your path toward acceptance and healing.

Through counselling, you’ll have the opportunity to:

• Explore and process your emotions in a safe, supportive environment
• Gain clarity and insight into your thoughts and behaviours
• Understand why you are experiencing so many polarized emotions
• Develop coping strategies to manage your pain and stress
• Build resilience and regain a sense of hope and purpose
• Explore what the next chapter of your life may look like

If you want to try counselling but feel tentative, let’s chat and see if there’s a fit. We offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone/video so you can “try out” the process.

If you have questions please contact us at info@safehavenbc.com or call (604) 337-0152.