You’ve been told you’re “too intense,” “too sensitive,” or “too emotional.”
You laugh too loudly, feel deeply, talk too much, or want too much.
And somewhere along the way, you started to believe them.
You learned to shrink, hold back your feelings, and be more agreeable. More convenient. More… quiet.
If you feel like you’re too much for other people, this blog is for you. It’s time for us to talk about where that fear comes from, why it’s so painful, and how you can stop internalizing the idea that who you are is “too much.”
Where the “Too Much” Story Begins
This feeling rarely disappears; it stems from early relational experiences — usually in childhood or adolescence — where big emotions weren’t understood or accepted.
Were you the expressive child in a family that valued calm?
Were your needs ignored, dismissed, or punished?
Did you adopt the role of the “easy one” to keep the peace?
In those moments, you learned that being “less” was safer — that expressing your true self came with consequences like rejection, criticism, or shame.
Signs You Carry the “Too Much” Wound
- You constantly apologize for your feelings
- You downplay your accomplishments, opinions, or needs
- You feel like you have to “tone yourself down” in relationships
- You fear being a burden when you’re struggling
- You over-explain or over-edit yourself
- You isolate or mask your personality to avoid judgment
This wound often goes hand in hand with people pleasing, perfectionism, or emotional suppression. It’s not that you’re too much — it’s that you’ve been in environments that were not equipped to meet you.
How to Heal the Feeling of Being “Too Much”
- Challenge the Old Narrative
That story that says “You’re too much”? It didn’t come from you. It came from people who couldn’t hold space for the real you, and that’s not a reflection of your worth. - Start with Self-Compassion
Your depth, intensity, and emotion are not flaws. They’re signs of a responsive, alive nervous system that you can start calming by offering yourself kindness when shame shows up. - Find Relationships Where You Feel Safe to Expand
Healing happens in connection. Notice which relationships let you breathe more freely, speak more openly, and feel less like you have to filter yourself. - Name Your Needs Without Apology
You can want closeness, space, clarity, affection, rest, or reassurance. Begin with simple statements like:
“I notice I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you,” or “I’m someone who needs a lot of emotional connection.” - Give Yourself Permission to Take Up Space
You don’t need to be “palatable” to be loved. The right people won’t just tolerate your whole self; instead, they’ll value it. That begins with you valuing it first.
You Are Not Too Much — You Were Not Met With Enough
Enough safety or enough understanding. Enough care.
Your bigness is not a problem. It’s a power. You don’t have to shrink to be loved, and you don’t have to edit yourself to be enough.
You can exist fully: feelings, needs, thoughts, and all.
Counselling for Self-Worth and Belonging at Safe Haven Counselling, Surrey, BC
If you’ve spent your life feeling like you’re too much and are ready to let that story go, we’re here to help.
At Safe Haven Counselling, we support individuals reconnecting with their authentic selves, healing shame, and reclaiming space in their lives. Therapy is available in-person in Surrey and White Rock or virtually across British Columbia.
You deserve to feel seen, just as you are.